I’m always searching for that perfect label to describe what’s going on inside my head.
One of the hardest things to do as is to feel normal. Every day, I try to act to the standards I know are expected of me and after years of practice, I can pull it off, mostly. The worry that I may not be normal is one that I know many other people who’ve suffered abuse or trauma experience too.
In some ways, I’m always searching for the perfect mental health diagnosis for myself. Why? Because I feel as if finding a perfect diagnosis could also give me a perfect solution which will let me move on with my life with no scars. I know it’s not possible, but still, I continue to hope.
When I was young, I was most worried about having the same illness as my mother did. I worried that I’d follow in her foot steps.
Now that I’m older, I know myself well enough to no longer worry that some dark genetic trait will rear its ugly head. Instead, I worry about whether my mental health issues are caused by something else; PTSD, OCD, GAD, ADD, SAD and a list of other acronyms. However the range of issues I experience and the way I deal with them, seems to be fairly unique to me. There doesn’t seem to be one simple label that that sums me up.
Why do I always look for the perfect label for my issues? I think, more than anything, it’s so I can feel less alone. Having a label means that someone else has been there before and maybe, just maybe, found a cure.
One day, I may even find a label which has ‘Mental Health Hypochondria’ as a symptom.